HMI SportsDesk

YOUR SOURCE FOR HORIZON SPORTS! TM

HMI “Rapps” It Up
By Sally O’Mizzle


New York – Don’t Sweat Our Swagger

It’s kinda hard out there for opposing teams to knock the hustle and flow of Horizon Media, as the team defeated Rapp Collins 12-10 in Wednesday night’s game. The HMI Ball Club packed massive heat, as they 2-stepped their way on to the tropical island of Randall’s. The 2-stepping came naturally, as there was already a plethora of stereos blasting salsa music on all corners of the field.

HMI was spitting hot fire, as team members who were there shot up the outfield with big hits and defensive plays. Rapp Collins couldn’t knock the hustle of Shannon Leary, as the 2nd base(wo)man made key offensive and defensive plays. Shondra “Up in the” Temple had big hits at bat and seemed to catch every ball that was headed towards her grill at 3B. “Pop that Chris” Lance held down the CF fort Wednesday, along with LBT who was struggling to catch something in right field….the only thing she seemed to catch out there was a cough.

It was all about The “Smash Brothers” in the 5th inning, as “On the Mic” Aiello & “Easy E” Applequist shot back to back drive-by homeruns bringing Shannon Leary home with them (to the plate, not their actual houses); this left the score at 8-10 with Rapp Collins still in the lead. Horizon really brought the noise in the 6th inning when “The Smash Brothers” followed by Bobby Brown Sutton, hit back to back to back homeruns, confirming HMI’s lead. “We really hit ‘em up out there tonight. I kinda felt like Tupac” said SS B Sutton.

HMI welcomed Big Poppa Steve Faske to the game Wednesday. The Notorious Faske struck out many opposing players and made key plays in the infield - “I love it when they call me Big Poppa. Throw your hands in the air, if you’re a true softball player” said the enthused pitcher. Alumni Hal Coopersmith came out to Randall’s Island to say hello to his old friends and he also came and visited with the HMI Ball Club. Lil Laura was excited to welcome Hal back to the game, “It’s nice when Hal comes to visit. I love hanging with Mr. Coopersmith…Yo Coop, You’re On!” Wednesday also marked the return of Chuck D Legg, who has proved that the “Charlie Legg Curse” is no longer in effect.


Team Notes: Mac Hagel, Captain Campanelli and Josh Waldman were healthy scratches Wednesday night. As was Josh Kovacs who is recruiting players overseas in Israel. Catherine Hanmer was also a healthy scratch, as the catcher was at try-outs for this year’s New Years Rockin’ Eve with Ryan Seacrest. “I just want to get on TV and share my sweet moves with the world. I mean, what better way to ring in the New Year than with the Roger Rabbit.”
HMI looks forward to yet another domination on 6/17 vs. Weiden & Kennedy.


This has been an update from the HMI Sports Desk, your source for HMI Sports!! Stay Classy New York.

Horizon Media Softball Update 5/29

HMI SportsDesk

YOUR SOURCE FOR HORIZON SPORTS! TM

HMI (and the Eastside boyz) Gets Lowe, Gets Lowe, Gets Lowe

New York – I’m going to a Softball game and I’m bringing………..My A-Game.

The HMI ball club celebrated a sweet victory last night, defeating Lowe & Partners 13-9; even after their opponents caused a very unnecessary 1st inning debacle. Lowe showed up to the game with only 3 girls and illegally proceeded to put 10 players on the field at once; but much to Lowe’s dismay, Horizon called “Shenanies” on the team, causing an outrage on the field. After Lowe pretended to forfeit the game and finally got their act together, the game was on…and let me tell you, HMI brought it.

Lowe team members showed up to the game with attempts to intimidate Horizon by wearing Eye Black on their faces, but the only thing that their unnecessary use of Eye Black blocked them from doing, was winning the game. It’s too bad that extra set of eyebrows the 3rd basemen drew on his forehead didn’t help him see the ball better…perhaps “Fourbrow” should consider drawing an extra set of eyes next time. And yes “Fourbrow”, it WAS worth it.

Lindsay Tendler made the first stop of the game in Right Center, holding the ambitious batter at 1st base. CF Dave Campanelli seemed to end every inning of the game with award winning, diving catches. “I’ve never seen someone contort their body like that to catch a ball…he should go on tour with Cirque du Soleil; I hear they’re hiring” said Stacey “I’m Running a Little” Laitman, who held down the fort at 2B and made a key hit in the game last night.

Lowe’s Joba Chamberlain wannabe pitcher wasn’t fooling anyone with those high pitches last night, as many HMI’ers were able to get big hits and even walks. RF Jill Bird had a nice hit. Followed by LF Eric Applecrisp, who hit a 2 run homerun bringing Jill home with him. SS Beau Sutton hit his 1st homerun of the season, rounding all the bases as quickly as he could. “As soon as I hit the ball, I kept hearing my friend Jenny’s voice in the back of my head screaming “Run Beau, Run!” 3B ”Pop that Chris” Lance had some big hits last night, including a 5th inning homerun, along with CF Dave Campanelli who also hit a homerun. Mike Aiello pitched great last night and he also made the last three outs of the game, confirming HMI’s victory.

HMI welcomed Josh Kovacs back to the game, as the left fielder is now off the injured list. Kovacs made a beautiful catch in the outfield last night. Catchers Lauren Mongiovi & Catherine Hanmer also put forth great efforts in last nights game. As did Josh Waldman, who was very excited about the teams win - “We deserved the win tonight. They acted and played like babies and we played like all-stars. I could smell a championship victory just over the horizon…although, that could just be the stench of Randall’s Island”.


Team Notes: Laura Ashton and Shondra Temple were healthy scratches last night, along with Grandmaster Mac Hagel. Charlie “Chicken” Legg was also a scratch last night and the mystery of the “Charlie Legg Curse” remains unanswered for the 2009 season, as Mr. Legg has yet to show up to an actual game. The HMI Ball Club looks forward to defeating Rapp Collins Worldwide in their next softball game on June 10th…BOOYAKASHA.

This has been an update from the HMI Sports Desk, your source for HMI Sports!! Stay Classy New York.

Dear Diary

Dear Diary,
It's raining right now and I wish it would stop.
Your best pal,
Lindsay

The Sunburnt Cow

Only Tina Turner can sum up the deliciousness that is The Sunburnt Cow...it's "simply the best". I was there two Saturdays ago for a friends birthday brunch and the experience was nothing short of fabulous. With Eggs Benedict to die for and an amazing brunch special to boot, you cannot go wrong with this delectable Aussie hotspot nestled in the streets of Alphabet City. For $15 you get whichever scrumptious breakfast indulgence you desire and an unlimited amount of Mimosas, Bloody Mary’s, Pineapple/Vodkas, Etc…and the wonderful wait staff is so accommodating that when I explained how I was allergic to Orange & Pineapple juices, they had no problem serving me an unlimited supply of Vodka/Cranberry drinks. You can only imagine the drunken debaucheries that ensued on that fateful Saturday afternoon at 1pm. I also just remembered that I briefly spoke to my grandma in the midst of my Saturday afternoon shenanigans at Sunburnt Cow…let’s just say she’s still waiting for me to call her back!

Teen Wolf

After not seeing it for about 10 years, last night I watched the movie Teen Wolf. When I got to the part where the school and town became accepting of that hairy little fellow, I started to realize something that I hadn't noticed before; those silly bastards only liked him because he was good at basketball. If that man-wolf had not been on a sports team, he definitely would not have been as cool...I'm pretty sure people would still be afraid of him. If you saw that hairball just perusing the hallways of your school, would you run up to him and say hello to him because he was good at basketball or would you run the other way?!? I mean, it's not like in the movie Teen Witch, where she places a spell on the entire school to be the most popular girl. You can't fight a spell, but you can certainly choose to run when you see a pubescent wolf boy coming your way.

Things That Annoy Me For $400, Alex.

...people who use their umbrellas as canes.

Umbrelliquette

When it rains in New York City, the streets flood not only with water but with hundreds of umbrella wielding new yorkers; who don't seem to care if they smash their umbrella into yours, causing both of the umbrellas to not cover either persons head, which then causes both parties to get rained on and completely defeat the purpose of having an umbrella in the first place.

On my way home from work today, I noticed that no one in this city seems to know the proper etiquette to holding an umbrella on a crowded street. I don't know if people just don't care or if they really don't know how to respectfully walk down the street on a rainy day and not soak and/or whack every person in their path. It's really pretty simple; if you are holding an umbrella and see someone coming towards you with their umbrella, you can either lower your umbrella so it goes underneath theirs, raise your umbrella so it goes above theirs OR you can not be lazy, move to the side and let them pass.

If Rhianna is going to sing about how you can stand under fabulous umbrella, she better know how to properly hold it on a crowded NYC street.